She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize