remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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