there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
if only i could text you this smell
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize