Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize