Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
