Well douche your snatch and let's go!
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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