I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
