I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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