but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
