The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
