So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
