well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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