why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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