whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
