I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
