Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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