Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
