there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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