i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
