I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
