I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize