Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
bring money and cleavage
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
