I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
