Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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