the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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