We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
