Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
