After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
