don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
