How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
