Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I am available for nakedness
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
