return my video game
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
