Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
