I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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