i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
