i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
