Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize