I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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