She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The air was thick with penises
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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