HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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