Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
