I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So much rum. So many feels.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize