I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
