Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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