my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
