sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
