I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
