ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
