He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
