She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
