Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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