i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
