Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
