There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
