I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize