About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Randomize
