I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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