Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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