Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
