This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
