There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
