I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he was CRYING into my vagina
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
