I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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