drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
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