i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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